My bad habits elevate me to the top of the world.

♥Love & To Be Loved

I'm so drawn to literature it's almost feel like embarking a journey venturing authors' grey matter, life or even subconscious. The wickedest souls speak the most unpalatable bitter yet veracious facts that those rational intentionally shrug it off. I could picture the alcoholic poured himself a glass of bourbon, neat, screeching the utmost earnest sober and poignant encounter as well as mocking life in a total whimsical or rather satirical sense of humor, well ironically, under the effects of intoxication. How could you not melt with the romanticist whispering endearments and enormous affections or the melancholy confession of a shattered broken heart. Despite unrestrained fickle-minded pieces, my second preference goes to the insights of most massive characters revived out of suffering, conquered overwhelming grief and triumph over the worst weather. Their pieces give me hope, the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul; courage, the urge to fly fearlessly.


And same goes to traveling which  has been on top of my priority all these while. Seeing the world in different perspectives, exploring the countries that speak distinct mother tongue than ours, feeling deeply with heart and soul while standing on the soil of someone else's nations.

The restless feet of mine ain't gonna stop to satisfy my endless curiosity of all thing err'thing relentlessly, as these, all these bad habits of mine makes me truly alive as if to pulse the blood in my vein more vigorously.


Till then, toodles!

Stolen, memories.

♥Love & To Be Loved

Waking up in the strangest room I could recognize, and found myself barely able to keep my eyes wide open. When I tried to search for anyone or anything familiar, the best friend found me awake as he moved his sight off his phone and screamed 'thank God you're awake!' and planted a quick peck on my forehead. And way before I managed to grab his arm for some answers, he ran and hopped like a rabbit out of the room and got a doc back with him. I tried to catch both of their attention but they were too engaged in some conversation I presumed 'bout my condition so none heard me.

That was when I felt the this unbearable twinge on my left arm even I tried to move my arm just an-inch. Pardon my manner but fuck the IV drip! I uttered a yelp feebly, the conversation winded up, best friend noticed me and hurried to my side, like finally. 'Would you please stay still?' I ignored his gentle reminder and continued to solve the puzzles by expecting some explanations from him.

'You passed out! Thank God you weren't driving babe! Like seriously, I almost got myself heart attack!'

I could feel my head throbbing with pain beyond endurance before I got the rough picture of several fragmented pieces I was able to recall. Bad gastric in the morning... Took a day off... Sickness got worse I decided to buzz the best friend to fetch me for doc consultation... Texting in the car... Got upset & emotional for some replies... The last scene I could recall was getting off the car and things kinda like lost track since then.

I was told that I blackout once I got off the car and the best friend carried me back into it and bolted us to hospital. That's how I end up being admitted.

'Gastric gone worsen?' I asked.

'Low blood pressure, to be exact,' doc finally came in the picture.

'Why so?' I thought it was the gastric.

'Are you on proper meals? Have you been taking three meals in proper portions?' there goes the interrogation.

'Weak appetite. Anything serious?' I've got a lil' nervous.

'It will be if you do not practice healthy diet already. Apparently there is a sign of calorie deficiency and lack of rest. Please have adequate carbs intake and have plenty of rest. And also, most importantly, loosen up yourself mentally and do not get too emotional. Just relax.' and the doc smiled to me and the best friend, then dismissed himself.

Everything happens for a reason, cliche. But thinking on a bright side, I could get rid of the tedious work for a day and so, isn't it? I remembered the rest of the day being stuffed like pig by the best friend and took away my phone whenever I didn't take my rest on time. Though you were acting like my annoying maid, but thanks for everything babe! Haha!

Being work-free for the day helped me think a lot.

- When someone intends to leave, set him free. There's no point holding someone's back. If you meant a world to him, he would've stay. If he's not, life moves on anyways.

- Do not assume things, go confront/confess to that particular party, no matter how it's gonna end up to be. It could've work, this thing you thought impossible could've been worked out among us, but the chance faded as you yourself decided on your own, this is not possible.

- Treasure those around you, love yourself more and save those precious tear of yours.

- I'm in charge of my own life, hence decisions. I don't need anyone else to make a decision on my behalf, or assume my answers instead of confronting me. While things go wrong, I was expected to bear whatever consequences or ending you prefer. No, I'm not letting this happens in my life, ever again.

- Love is a big word. :)

Ughhh, hope I'll get better and rid of this 24/7 dizziness/feeble at soonest.

With loves,
Caryne

Professionalism? Right.

♥Love & To Be Loved

The thought of my 2-years goddamn efforts gone down the drain kills me, let alone being appreciated for my contribution to the team. NIL!Regardless of such brutal ruthless fact, I couldn't help but felt fortunate enough to have a bunch of earnest colleagues though. And most of them weren't from my own team, how ironic tsk!


I'm dead chuffed to leave, literally.


Speaking of which, countdown 2 days to relocate to a mere unfamiliar foreign state. Well alright, not to the extend of a total strange place, considering that I visited Kayelle quite often, but still.. I believe living a hectic hustle-bustle life there ain't gonna be plain sailing for me. Like hey, I'm residing in Penang for 8 years and so, life here is so much laid-back and even tranquil.


We'll see how it goes once I touchdown during the weekends. Till then, toodles.

mid n i g h t . r a n t s .

♥Love & To Be Loved

Recent life's been all bout farewells, meetups and whatnot; else wise i'll take a break and idle my times away by catching up long-due dramas, some pending reads.. and oh, my packing mission is ongoing!

Settling down in this utterly quaint island for almost 8 years, I found  myself struggling to make such harsh decision - to leave. Knowing there's so much to explore out there, me with my restless feet and free spirit learned that it's time to get my ass off my comfort zone and throw myself out there, somewhere.


It's rather ironic realizing that the reasons for me to leave is pretty much equivalent to the reasons for me to stay. A while ago, I was desperate to leave as the past memories were unbearably agonizing. And then some circles and acquaintances invaded my world and gave my life a delicate turn. So much fun, so much cares, so much loves.


Speaking of which, I'm so thankful and blessed for the thoughtful scrumptious treats and generous lavish drinking sessions to bid me farewell, be it from my close friends or long-lost ones. I truly appreciate the sincerity. After all, it's just Kayelle! 3 hours drive, an hour flight away. I'll be visiting Penang whenever I'm back at hometown, promise ;D


Let's not be strangers due to distance, shall we?

Made to / l o v e / and to be / l o v e d /

♥Love & To Be Loved

To have a sensitive heart and to have a subtle mind, hence prone to feel enormously 'bout each and every single thing. I'll say, it might be both a blessing and a curse.


Dragged myself through another day of dreadful work errands, and seeing some familiar best-loved faces at the end of the day made everything seems less awful.


Made a stop at this cozy hidden cafe, and a mild dose of desserts just did the trick.

The fact is, it was never 'bout where you end up at nor what you turn out to be doing. Well, with the right ones, everything becomes flawless instantly.

Till then, sugar dreams world.

My prep talk to me myself.

♥Love & To Be Loved

They say, life ain't always pretty. True that.

Life seems so perfectly intact for a moment, yet tomorrow is unpredictable. It could remain as a whole or goes utterly shattered into pieces.

I had fought so hard I thought all my battles had been won, only to find the upcoming wars to encounter. That the peace and serenity are far off to attain.

I couldn't take another word of I am strong enough to take another blow and get over it. I'm sheer drained by being all toughen up on the outside to disguise the fact that the inside of me is downright ruined wrecks.

I'm locking you out, I'm locking myself up.


Despite the chaos, I'm glad I've accepted the offer to start fresh. And I'm looking forward for my broken self to be healed, to be revamped and to be fearless again.

Till then, toodles.

And yes, another vacay would help too :)