Why hello, dear blog.
Since there is job scope rotation, there are so much that I have to cope with. That pretty much explains my absence again. Not to mention, the overloaded pressure to handle the new responsibility allocated to me. It was a mad hectic period, I think I almost gone devastated. Well if you want to succeed, I think there's a saying where it goes 'nothing comes easy'. So yes, massive demands motivate me instead of driving me to negativity. It sorts of inspire me with greater ambition when some issues subvert my every little bit of my efforts or forge my endurance. I grew up and improved as a better person, mentally & physcally. Come to think of it, before the superior entrust you with a greater responsibility, I believe they may have noticed your capability through your job performance no?
Most of the weekends, and of course weekdays, I've been staying in instead of going for drinks or partying. It's like a jaw-dropping news for all my friends. Why yes, I admit I used to party and drink a lot, I still am don't get me wrong, but I rather spend my precious weekends to rest and boost up my energy to deal with the upcoming hustle work life. Its completely exhausting to juggle workloads, family, some important matters and whatnot in life simultaneously.
Moving on, I know I'm utterly distracted recently. What truly irks me is I always say that complaints and regrets are for losers. And now I'm turning into one. I made that decision to forgive and forget a year back. When thing happened, I was being ignorant for 2 months even though I was well aware what was happening. What else you could say, love is blind. I loved him way too dearly, I was too afraid to let go.
Until then, I got to know a bunch of great buddies who pampered me like I'm a princess, from top to toe. You'll be surprised how attentive they could be even to the most insignificant minor matter. Then it strikes me, I'm not born to be treated unduly. I deserve to be pampered by my loved one, like how my family treasure me. So I braced myself and walked away. Surprisingly, I was doing very well. Out of my expectation, really. I thought I'd be devastated but no, I feel myself again. Its the nicest feeling that you could get rid of the feeling of sleeping with a broken heart, crying yourself to sleep every single night, and being paranoid thinking all about his cheating that you couldn't focus a thing at all.
I could even remember clearly there was once I was staying hometown since I graduated. But never once he came visiting me. None. So I purposely drove all the way to Penang, crash at my friend's crib, like 5 mins away from his stay? He didn't even meet me, at all. I even wandering around hoping he could call me and willing to meet me. In the end? Nope. So I drove all the way back alone, tearing so badly I think my vision was blurred. Thank God I could make it home safely. The second time I went Penang again at night, begging him to meet me, but he just said NO. When we broke up, the only word he threw at me was 'It was put on a plate and he took it, that's every guy's nature', I just smiled. I was sorta relieved that I made the right decision for that moment. I can't believe I've gone that much when I'm typing this out. It was unbearable but I survived. Aren't I?
And then he came back asking for 2nd chance, claiming he'd change. But then it happened again, twice, thrice... I didn't blame anyone frankly. My choice and that makes me the only one to blame. My friends around were cracking their head to get me to understand 'once a cheater, forever a cheater', but what to say, I was too stubborn to listen. By accepting someone's cheating, that pretty much opens up the door for cheating. And if I was cheated and replaced for the reason of being imperfect, I'd accept it and work on my flaws. As a matter of fact, nobody's perfect. But anyway, I won't waste my effort improving myself for a cheater that doesn't worth it.When you tolerate a cheater, it only benefits them for their wrongdoings but hurts us who value.
You don't have the ability/right to change others attitude, but you always have control to amend your life, to make it better. Be better, Caryne. Hang in there cause bad days don't last forever.
You know what I really need right now?
Someone should just say YES and go with me already, no? hehe! Planning planning...
11/13 - Selca before out for dinner w/ him. :)
That night was a fairytale.
Peace out x.