I suffered myself when I truly care. I start to question myself, do they appreciate that you actually CARE or they just think that you're being such a nuisance? I struggled, I cried & I lost whenever I think about that. All those thoughts keep messing with my mind. And screw you, do you think I would give a damn about this if it doesn't freaking matter to me?! So stop telling me that I'm thinking too much or I'm being too sensitive! I'm so sick of you all putting that in my head.
Nothing can feel as worse as this, the uncertainty and the fact that you couldn't find any answer. In the end, I choose to care less. Yeah, it helped a lot by being this way. If you ask me whether I'm truly happy? Frankly, I don't know. But one thing I know for sure, I didn't wake up with my pillow all wet with tears the next morning recently. So yeah. Life is too short for all of these craps. I realized I have much important stuffs and problem to attend with. This is like physical and mental exertion because I think it's matter to me but others might not think the same way. I need to steer clear of dissipation and guard my peace of mind, so I'm done with that. :)
Well, I don't know whether I'm being pathetic or being independent. I'm starting to get used to this I-AM-ALL-BY-MYSELF life. Wherever I wanna go, I drive myself; wherever I wanna eat, I buy myself. I take care of myself & call from home does give me a terrific boost. And once in a while, babe Jac would date me for dinner at least once a week. Whenever she's free, she'll ring me up. Thanks babe, for making me feels like I'm actually mattered. I always believe that, when you really matter to someone, that person will always make time for you. No excuses, no lies, no broken promises.
I don't know I'm trying to have some faith or I'm just trying to runaway from the truth. I guess I'm numb. => You better start worrying when I'm numb. Cause when I don't give a damn, I DON'T give a damn about it anymore. :)
- What will you think will happen if we don't end up together?
- What if life separates us?
- What if…
XX! Much lurves, Caryne.