Chaos.

♥Love & To Be Loved

Gahhh! I'm having ma 2 weeks mandate leaves right now & I don't even feel excited. How can that beeeee! I mean c'mon, where am I supposed to go holiday with when all my babes are either studying or working! OHMIGAWD this is so not happening.

Anyway, enough with the whines, I'm pretty confused with this complicated relationship and sometimes I don't really know what to do. Due to some past cases that I can't let go of, it's really become the barrier of us being THERE you know. It's always feel like so near yet so far. Its like we've gone this far but we're stuck. Things go on and off, good and bad, and this kinda drive me/him/us crazy.

I don't even know is it my problem being childish or it is normal that I can't help it but thinking those conversations he&her having. How he said he missed her or how he worried/agitated when she ignored him or how happy he was that she's coming back to town that they plan to meet up or how he texted her everyday&immediately but not me. Or flirting with another her, the urge to get to know everything about her, the same time having conversation with me and her, but replying me with a few cold words, but hers? all those sweet talks. THOSE sweet talks that both of us USED TO HAVE. The sweet sarcastic words they told each others in FB because they bumped into each others in college but never say HI. All these craps when we were in a relationship. It freaked me out, THIS freaked me out. it's just feel like... He loves her or her.

All these conversations. All these girls. And those lovely posts she wrote for you. They're stuck in my brain. I cursed them. I can't tell how much I loathe them. I even WISH so badly they could just rot in hell. Or better still, I'm praying SO HARD that they'd just face the exact same shit. And being exact paranoid like me RIGHT NOW.

Guide me pls. Anyone? :(

I just wanna be happy.

Yours truly.

Give your heart a break.

♥Love & To Be Loved

Needless me to say this since everyone is very well aware of the minor tremors happening all over Penang & some other states today. It should be an enjoyable public holiday not until I found out I need to work today & it turned out to be my worst & scariest day EVER!

I’m working at 14^th floor at a building near Northam tower. I used to LOVE my working place because it has this magnificient breathtaking ocean view which I think everyone desires for. Not until today I found out how dangerous this location may put us into. It was just like any other working day where everyone’s concentrating on their works & rushing up so that they could go off early.

And then around 4pm, I felt a bit dizzy I thought it was only me feeling sleepy. Then I realized my monitors were dangling so I stood up seeing everyone panic out. Our office was shaking pretty badly you could feel yourself can’t even standing properly. My seniors shouted at us, RUN RUN! And we just grabbed our purse phones then we rushed to the emergency exit. You know where people always say shit USUALLY happens during emergency. YUP. That’s what happened to us as well. Nobody is able to open the emergency door until one of the managers smacked the knot opened. Can you imagine how panic everyone is when they found out they were stuck in 14th floor while the whole office was literally shaking. I almost tear. Don’t tell me how dramatic or how exaggerating I am until you put yourself in that situation. It was overwhelming.

When the emergency door opened, everyone tried to squeeze in that tiny narrow staircases which made me felt even dizzy & I felt like fainted. I guess it was due to panic attack, my hands and legs are shivering pretty badly I can’t even walk. Thanks to my seniors I’m able to make it. You see, this is the time where you figured whose are those who truly concern about you and will be there even all they should do is run for their life. While others are pushing me just to get ahead me & run for life, my senior held me worried of me & grabbing my shoulders to help me walk. I know it was pretty ridiculous to comfort people it’s gonna be okay at that moment, but he kept on repeating that beside me to make me feel better. Come to think of it, who gives a damn about you during this critical moment?

And when I reached downstairs, my phone was blasted by my friends’ calls worrying about me & kept on asking me to be careful. Thanks love, for non-stop calling me almost every half an hour to make sure I’m alright. :) Calls from Ipoh, KayElle, Kulim, Alor Setar, Penang & all. Don’t worry everything is fine right now. and I love you all. So damn much.

I’m exhausted. Mentally & physically. And what happened today really gives me a lot of thoughts that I never think of. I guess I need to work on those and see how things should go already. : )

Nights world. Hopefully everyone has a safe night & a safe happy day ahead tomorrow.

Yours blurry happy truly. :)

答应自己，绝对不会再为了你掉眼泪。绝对。这一次，是最后一次。

假象。

原来这一切都只是漂亮的谎言。就让它这样下去吧。

All these are just wrong.

♥Love & To Be Loved

Thanks for the head up, dear someone. I can’t believe I’m being this selfish all this while. I don’t have the right to just make someone’s life miserable because of the past that I can’t let go. How can I be so unfair to that someone?

I made myself being loathed by my friends I disappointed them. I start to think whether all these worth it or I’m just being blindfolded again. Damn myself.

Enough is enough. Before I clear my mind, before I mess my life & others’ life, this just gotta stop.

XO! Caryne.

Complication. </3

When you're unsure of your feeling/status, please don't mess with others'.
I know how hurt it could be so I mustn't do this again. No way.
So what should I do? :(

</3

Should I follow what my head think or what my heart feel? :(
Somebody please guide me. I feel really bad right now. I don't wanna feel this way. :(

Games over baby. :)

Experiment done. Result's out. Games over.
It's time to move on. :)

Games over baby. :)

Experiment done. Result's out. Games over.
It's time to move on. :)

Falling in & out.

♥Love & To Be Loved

Oh my, I can’t believe how fast time flies. It’s like I just stepped in year 2011 and now it’s the end of the year already. Let’s hope December will be better cause I really need that lol.

I’ve must say that this year is pretty harsh on me say, friendship, works, family, relatives and of course relationship. I breakdown I cry I stumble I fall, a couple of times. However from what I’ve encountered, I truly believe in the saying of everything happens for a reason.

On a brighter note, my work is my least concern right now I’m glad that I accepted this job offer. Despite some inevitable team conflicts, well, my colleagues are pretty awesome & I enjoy working with them.

And to be honest, it’s been ages since I feel this happy & blessed. I treasure everything and everyone I have right now right here. And one thing I realized, I can be loved by those I care this much. I mean how much they show me that I actually mean something to them., that I’m not replaceable or unnecessary, that they’ll make a lil’ effort so that I’ll stay, that my existence matters to them. :) Thank you so much loves, for all the supports when I thought I couldn’t make through it. Now I’m stronger than ever.

P/s: I just gotta thanks to that special someone. I don’t know what I’ll do without you around when I’m lost. You helped me HELL LOTS. Words can’t even describe how much you did for me. You’re always there you never lie to me. Thank you. You pointed out my wrongs, you taught me how to get over my bad habits, you won’t get sick of telling me how extraordinary how beautiful I am. You're like an angel sent for me. :)

I feel loved & precious. In fact I’m being pampered all this while just that I neglect the attention I already have due to the ONLY craves for the attention of SOMEONE.

Read something that I couldn’t agree more written by a friend, I was raised with first grade love so I’m not settling for second grade from no boy. I promised myself I wouldn't torture myself for someone who doesn’t even worth it. Be smart & be rational.

Btw, am back at home sweet home. I know I seem a lil’ bit like party animal for those who know me but the fact is I really love spending time with my family. Never mind just lazying around at home, watching DVD or just talk. I love my family more than anyone could imagine & I always know that they’re those who TRULY adore you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. They’re just gonna be there.And when I’m at home, I settle down & I take my time to order my inmost thoughts.

As I grow up, the world doesn't seem as pretty or perfect as it used to be. In fact it has its hideous side that I just wanna runaway from. Instead of pointing my fingers to everyone else for my dreadful year, I think it’s time to reflect on myself. My egoistic, my stubbornness, my intolerance, & my so-called principles. All I wanna say is my own attitudes contribute to my sucky year as well. I couldn’t throw the blames away because I myself are partly responsible for what happened as well. I guess my most humble & practical new year resolution would be working on my attitudes, I guess that’s a pretty good kickoff for my 2012! :)

And yeah, as for those who are still wondering why I disappeared from FB, please don’t blast my phone with the same question already. Lol. I’m just taking some time off from some chaos which really gives me severe migraine. I DIDN’T BLOCK ANYONE, I DEACTIVATE MY FB. The least thing I need now is drama, so I’ll activate my FB back when things are settled & when I feel better.

I’m really confused & bewildered right now. When you asked me to think on your behalf, please think on mine as well. How long or how much it gonna takes for you to KNOW/DIFFERENTIATE who to trust when your most beloved one betrayed you before. That’s the time I thought I SHOULD TRUST HIM/HER. Not even a slight doubts. But what happened in the end? I’m not blaming anyone here, I just want some to know how I feel. For the record, I didn’t want or I didn’t choose to be a mad girl who is full of suspicion. This is so tiring. I had insomnia, I couldn’t concentrate on my work. I had this before, I don’t wanna face this all over again. And yes, people change, everyone deserves a second chance. And yup, actions speak louder than words. That’s all I can say. :) I just want my simple life back. No drama, no conflicts, no lies, no hurts, at least not from my beloved ones. So am I asking too much?

Anyway, can’t wait for Christmas. Don’t you lovely people think the same way? ;)

Please listen to this song kay?



And you won't wanna miss this ;)


Yours truly, with happy grin. :D

Loves. Caryne. XO! :)